Nashville and Goodbyes

Opryland Hotel and Resort is a magical place.  It reminds me of Hawaii or Mexico.  It is a true treat after staying in the cheap motels during the road trip.  We pass indoor waterfalls and extravagant Koi ponds as we walk to our room.  The room is clean and I fear not sitting atop the comforter.  Naturally, we are starving so we take the shuttle bus to the mall.  A Canadian bachelor party tries to make conversation with us.  Kori is the only one who really talks back.  She explains we are from California and they ask us if we smoke pot and if we surf.  I’m not wearing any makeup and I’m almost positive my side fat is spilling over my tank top.  I shell up when I decide I look like Sloth from the Goonies and continue to not make eye contact.  We say our goodbyes and head to the restaurant.  FOOD.  Feeling inadequate and ugly, I find happiness in my pasta and bread.  After dinner we go back to the Hotel and begin our hours of showers, makeup, hair and drinks.

Nashville is intense and humid.  We spot a club and dance together for a bit.  Danielle and I keep going while Kori and Melanie get drinks.  There is no air conditioning and reminds me of Cambodia.  I think of my little Sam Nang and wonder how he is and then tell myself to look up if Americans can adopt from Cambodia yet.  I continue dancing while making adoption plans in my head.  Danielle and I get into a weird dancing sandwich.  We take the boners against our butts for a good 5 minutes and then shimmy away.  The night ends earlier than expected when we agree that pizza in bed sounds better.  The cab ride home is tense because Kori gets sad.  I hold her and tell her everything will be okay.  We binge eat the pizza and crash. 

The following morning we lay by the pool and I lecture everyone to put sunscreen on.  Brett (Kori’s Husband), messages her and the mood lightens.  We leave not too long after and I grab a shirt from the gift shop.  I couldn’t pass up 4 cats wearing cowboy hats.  The drive home is smooth because we make Kori promise she will not have road rage.  That night we order Chinese food and watch scary movies.  I start getting nervous that Danielle and Melanie are flying home the next day.  Reality slowly seeps into my brain.

Cracker Barrel the next morning is as expected.  Three of us order pancakes and we all stuff our faces.  I purchase my giant Smarties and we leave.  Soon we are at the airport.  I am saying goodbye to my friends and I am trying to conceal my panic attack.  They leave and Kori and I go home.  She goes to sleep and I cry.  I text my mom with worries that I’ve made a horrible mistake.  I take a Xanax and begin to feel calm.  What now?